I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
