My brain says no but my pants say off.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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