i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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