if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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