ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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