That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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