Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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