u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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