New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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