last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
