I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
