if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
