There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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