There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
