i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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