no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
