I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
