about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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