as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize