I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The struggles of a small town man whore
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