What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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