He felt like a one man threesome
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
