Your tits are I can't wait for
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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