i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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