So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
