how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
