i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
