Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
