what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
