Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
