I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
