So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
