i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I love you. Go after that dick
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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