He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I want her autograph on my taint
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
