...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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