About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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