i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
