I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize