i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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