Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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