She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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