a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
