you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
