i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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