Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize