She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You ruined the universe
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
