Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Mom said you looked used
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I did not marry a roomba.
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