I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
