now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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