Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
