my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
