i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I need a burrito and a hug.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
