The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
