My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
