Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
