they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
