just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
