Your face is a jimmy john
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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