I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
