y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize