perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
