This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
