Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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