so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
