i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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