Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We left the knife in your bed.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
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