I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize